My eyebrows are evil.
Okay, okay, maybe not exactly evil, but unless regularly kept in line, always look like they’re up to no good.
It really is all the left one’s fault. That one’s what people call the “bad crowd”. The one on the right got involved with it from the very start and it’s been bad news ever since.
All by itself, Rightie just looks a bit too serious for its own good but together, they look like they’re about to take over the ship (that ship being me).
Mom knew what they were up to.
When I was leaving for school as a teen — every morning, just before she’d let me walk out the door — Mama Lazarakis would come running after me with dampened, outstretched pointy fingers and a, “Φτιάξε τα φρύδια σou, πανε κάτω.”
Which in Greek, roughly translated into English, means:
“Fix your eyebrows, they’re going down.”
… and that if I didn’t, I’d be the one who would be.
She said that phrase so often, I wouldn’t have been at all surprised if one day it would wind up etched on her epitaph somewhere just to remind me.
So ever since then I’ve been sleeping with one eye open.
And much like a lion tamer (instead of a chair and a whip), with tweezers in my hand and a single finger to push ’em back and — when things get really rough — some extra hold hairspray.
That shows ’em who’s boss.
(They don’t like that).
Holly bushes are also evil and probably my eyebrows’ best friends.
But don’t let their festive prettiness fool you. Just like my eyebrows, try to trim those puppies and they will draw blood.
This granola however isn’t evil at all but all super-fly good.
Filled with nothing but oat-y, almond-y awesome-ness, the only thing wild about it are the blueberries. And that’s a good thing.
What makes this granola the best though is the way it’s made, which makes it come out all golden and chunky, without even needing a single stir to make it so.
Delectable over yogurt, in any kind of milk or just by itself, it’s not too sweet but just right and so unbelievably addicting, you just might think it’s bad for you.
But those are just my eyebrows you’re thinking about.
Best Chunky No-Stir Wild Blueberry Almond Granola
Inspired by America’s Test Kitchen
Makes approximately 11 1/2 cups granola
5 cups rolled oats
1 – 8 ounce bag (2 1/2 cups) raw sliced almonds
1 – 8 ounce bag (1 1 /4 cups) dried wild blueberries
1/4 cup light brown sugar, lightly packed
1/2 cup sunflower seed oil (or any light-flavored oil)
1/3 cup organic maple syrup
4 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
Line a large rimmed baking sheet with parchment paper. Set aside.
Adjust top rack in oven to upper-middle position in oven. Preheat oven to 325 Degrees F.
In a very large mixing bowl — using your hands or large spoon — combine rolled oats, sliced almonds and dried blueberries together until thoroughly mixed.
In a small mixing bowl — using a fork — whisk light brown sugar, sunflower seed oil, maple syrup, vanilla and sea salt together until well combined.
Carefully pour wet mixture over dry mixture and — using a large rubber spatula or your large spoon — gently fold ingredients together until dry ingredients are well-coated.
Turn granola mixture out onto prepared baking sheet and — using your rubber spatula or large spoon — spread out evenly.
Using a metal spatula — and some elbow grease — press granola mixture into baking sheet until it’s as compact as you can make it.
Transfer baking sheet to center of top rack in oven and bake for 30 – 36 minutes — or until granola is lightly browned — making sure to turn sheet halfway through baking.
Note: Granola starts browning very quickly by the end of its baking time, so be sure to keep an eye on it, especially just before the 30-minute mark.
Remove from oven and place sheet on wire cooling rack to cool completely, about an hour and a half.
Once granola has cooled — using hands — gently break granola into bite-sized chunks.
Serve with your choice of milk (dairy or otherwise), sprinkled over yogurt or eat by itself. Given in a mason jar, it also makes a great gift!
Granola lasts up to three weeks stored covered at room temperature in a Tupperware container (that is if you don’t eat it all before then).
Share and enjoy!